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  • Writer's pictureStacy Hixon, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor

Let's Feel Better!

Feeling Good Checklist: Place a check beside the ones that apply.


  • I’m anxious all of the time.

  • I’m frightened of people.

  • My loneliness is intense.

  • I have difficulty expressing my feelings.



  • My temper is out of control.

  • I can’t focus on anything.

  • Everyone is against me.

  • I can’t assert myself.

  • I feel like a failure.

  • I want to hide under the covers.

Do you identify with any of the above feelings? That list doesn’t sound like anything that feels good! It may be time to work on your emotional well-being.


Emotional issues are so painful. The difficult thing about emotional pain is we can’t tell the doctor where it hurts. We just know it hurts and we want it to stop. Occasionally we may feel angry, sad, lonely, guilty, anxious, or scared. When negative feelings are predominant, our lives become an emotional battleground.



What we do with those feelings is very important. Are we going to act them out? Will we punish someone we love or force our will upon them? Will we abuse ourselves in some way? Will we stuff them down and pretend they don’t exist?


Many of us believe that we aren’t good enough, and that is too often the root of our problems. Good mental health begins with loving ourselves. When we love and accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all, we can begin to change.


An important aspect of self-acceptance is releasing the opinions other people have about us. Often, the things we choose to believe about ourselves have no factual basis. There is no evidence to prove that what another person thinks is accurate, logical, or realistic.




Can you think of an example where you believe something because of someone’s opinion of you? Think about this belief. Is it true? What is the evidence? What are the facts that back up the evidence? Is there any basis to this belief? How can you disprove it?


Through mirror work, self-love, and positive affirmations, we can improve how we feel about ourselves and change those false beliefs that are formed by someone else’s opinion of us. Remember that feelings of inadequacy usually start with negative thoughts that we believe about ourselves. These thoughts actually have no power over us unless we believe them. Thoughts are only words connected together. They have no meaning at all, unless we allow it. Only YOU can give meaning to someone else’s words. You give meaning to them by focusing on the negative message over and over again in your mind. You are believing the worst about yourself. You are choosing what kind of meaning you give the opinions of others.


“A lion never loses sleep over the opinions of sheep.” - Unknown.


Mirror Work

Do you believe that you deserve peace and serenity in your emotional life? If you don’t you will block yourself from having it. Look into the mirror and say, “I de


serve inner peace, and I accept it now.” Repeat it several times. After doing this exercise, answer the following questions.


  1. What kind of feelings arise for you?

  2. How does your body feel?

  3. Does it feel true, or do you still feel unworthy?



If you have any negative feelings in your body, use an affirmation, such as, “I release the pattern in my consciousness that is creating resistance to my good. I deserve to feel good. God wants me to feel good.”


Repeat the affirmation until you feel acceptance. Do this for the following days in a row. You may feel odd doing some of the exercises, especially the mirror work. You may also wonder how these might change you. They work as what we think and believe are what we will live. Take it one step at a time. The transformation will not happen over a day, a week, or even a month, but slowly you will see the metamorphosis occurring. Slowly, you will feel different about yourself and one day you will realize how much you have chosen to change.


Exercise:

Healing Your Inner Child



When you are feeling anxious, fear keeps you from functioning. Do you abandon your inner child when you’re anxious? Think of some ways you can reconnect with your inner child. What could you do for fun? What could you do that is JUST FOR YOU?


Make a list of at least 15 things you could do to have fun with your inner child. You may enjoy reading, movies, gardening, drawing, coloring, journaling, dancing, taking a walk, a hot bath with bubbles. After you have completed your list, try to do at least one activity every day. Let the healing begin!


When you start connecting with your inner child, you start healing. You can create fun experiences that allow your inner child to heal from those childhood wounds. Feel the pain of your inner child heal while transitioning into a more healthy adult.


Practicing Gratefulness



What are you grateful for? How do you begin your day? What is the first thing that you say in the morning? Is it positive or negative? Science shows that gratefulness actually changes the brain in those with mental health struggles.



An easy and successful way to practice gratefulness is to list 3 things each morning and evening that you are grateful for. Some days it may be intense and elaborate, other days your list may be very simple. It’s something you can do as an individual, a couple, a family, at work, your small group, or with friends. You may decide to post your 3 things on social media to share with others, or text to another person or group. Some days it may be more difficult than others to think of 3 things, but even if they are small blessings, you are making progress.

Practicing Feeling Positive About Yourself




Now, you will examine your positive feelings about yourself. Write at least 50 positive things about yourself. Pay attention to your feelings. Is there resistance? Is it hard for you to see yourself in a positive light? Power on! Start your list, even if it is with 1 thing and add something everyday, if that’s what it takes. Don’t get overwhelmed, give yourself grace. Go over your list, add, expand on a feeling, and practice speaking your positive feelings in the mirror. Next, write down an affirmation for each positive feeling. Make an affirmation part of your daily routine!


Examples:

If you feel anxious. Affirm that you are at peace.

If you are afraid. Affirm that loving others is easy when you love and accept yourself.

If you feel lonely. Affirm that you are safe and change is



good.

If you have difficulty expressing your feelings.

Affirm that it’s safe to express your feelings.

If you have anger. Affirm that you are at peace with yourself

and your life.

If you can’t focus. Affirm that your inner vision is clear and unclouded.

If you think everyone is against you.

Affirm that you are lovable and everyone loves you.

If you cannot assert yourself.

Affirm that you love who you are and you assert yourself wisely.

If you feel like a failure.

Affirm that your life is a success.

If you feel you want to hide from the world.

Affirm that you go beyond your old fears and limitations.


Give yourself permission to relax. I give myself permission to relax and enjoy

taking care of myself.




Things to remember:

  • You are responsible for your own experience.

  • Every thought you have is creating your future.

  • You are dealing with the damaging patterns of resentment, criticism, guilt, and self-loathing.

  • These are only thoughts and thoughts can be changed.

  • We need to release the past and forgive ourselves, as well as others.

  • Forgiving doesn’t mean we condone the bad behavior of others, we will not forget the hurt it caused, but we love ourselves enough not to dwell on the pain, and move forward.

  • Self-approval and self-acceptance in the “now” are keys to positive changes.

  • The point of power is always in the present moment.

Now give yourself a hug and say I love me!


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